When I wasn’t allowed to finish the Little Rock Marathon, I felt as if I had failed to reach my goal of becoming a Marathon Maniac. I understand that everything surrounding my “re-routing” was completely beyond my control, but in my mind I failed. What if I would have disobeyed the police officer and kept running? What if I would have started at 6am with the early starters? What if I would have never started this silly process to being with?
I found another marathon to run later this month. If I completed the course, I would qualify for Maniac status. I would complete my goal, BUT Lisa wouldn’t be there, BUT it would cost me at least $400 to make the trip, BUT it is the first day of our spring break and I would have to make the entire family wait to start a trip we planned months ago.
I have struggled all week, because all of this has been eating away at me. When I set goals, I accomplish them no matter what. One of my very bad qualities is that I am very rigid after a plan has been made. Aaron and I have argued. I was angry with him because he couldn’t understand why I was so upset. He didn’t understand how bad I wanted to become a Maniac. He doesn’t run, how could he know how hard I have worked to get this far and the utter disappointment of being denied? We have sat in silence the past two nights and I have slept on the couch because of my stubborn, childish behavior. I’m not proud of that, but I was willing to scratch and claw my way to Jackson, TN no matter what it took. This is a public apology: Aaron, I love you and I’m sorry.
But really, let’s take a step back from the pity party and look at things. This is not why I run. I don’t run to struggle. I run for freedom. I don’t run to be a mean, hateful wife. I run to release stress, so I can be a better wife. Shame, shame, shame on me.
All of this reflection came to me after a conversation with my Mom. Here is the most important part:
I have a good Mom and sometimes she knows just how to say things to lead me to correct decisions. I also cried in Walmart and someone I knew walked around the corner to witness the entire event. After I sent the last text, I knew I was making the correct call. I felt relief.
I have scoured the Marathon Maniac website, and nowhere does it say: “You only get one shot at running 3 marathons in 90 days. If you don’t accomplish this task the first time you try, you will die and never wear the famed Maniac singlet.” So, I will try again this fall. I have learned a lot about running this winter. Mainly, to never plan a goal around winter races. The weather is beyond anyone’s control! Between October 4th and December 27th (85 days) there are 5 marathons within 3 hours of my house. They all take place on Saturday, so no church will have to be missed, and I was already planning on running 2 of them. The only way I can fail to achieve this goal, is to give up and never try again.
I know I come across as an aloof, dimwitted airhead most of the time, but secretly I am severely intense. I need to not be so harsh on myself, work on my flexibility issues, and stop taking out my frustrations on the people I love the most. I know some of you will not understand the intense emotional response I had to the re-routing of the marathon, and you will think less of me or that I am a crazy person. That’s ok, I forgive you.
It took me 5 days to fully process the emotions and properly grieve the situation, but I feel better now. Running is not always glamorous and happy, but it has taught me so much about myself and helped me improve as a person. If you don’t understand what that means, then start running. You’ll thank me later.
Oh, and thanks for listening. As a reward, you get a picture of my favorite cartoon character, Princess Uni Kitty.