Running is Better Than Therapy

When I wasn’t allowed to finish the Little Rock Marathon, I felt as if I had failed to reach my goal of becoming a Marathon Maniac.  I understand that everything surrounding my “re-routing” was completely beyond my control, but in my mind I failed.  What if I would have disobeyed the police officer and kept running? What if I would have started at 6am with the early starters? What if I would have never started this silly process to being with?

I found another marathon to run later this month.  If I completed the course, I would qualify for Maniac status.  I would complete my goal, BUT Lisa wouldn’t be there, BUT it would cost me at least $400 to make the trip, BUT it is the first day of our spring break and I would have to make the entire family wait to start a trip we planned months ago.

I have struggled all week, because all of this has been eating away at me.  When I set goals, I accomplish them no matter what. One of my very bad qualities is that I am very rigid after a plan has been made. Aaron and I have argued. I was angry with him because he couldn’t understand why I was so upset. He didn’t understand how bad I wanted to become a Maniac. He doesn’t run, how could he know how hard I have worked to get this far and the utter disappointment of being denied? We have sat in silence the past two nights and I have slept on the couch because of my stubborn, childish behavior. I’m not proud of that, but I was willing to scratch and claw my way to Jackson, TN no matter what it took. This is a public apology: Aaron, I love you and I’m sorry.

But really, let’s take a step back from the pity party and look at things. This is not why I run. I don’t run to struggle. I run for freedom. I don’t run to be a mean, hateful wife.  I run to release stress, so I can be a better wife. Shame, shame, shame on me.

All of this reflection came to me after a conversation with my Mom.  Here is the most important part:

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I have a good Mom and sometimes she knows just how to say things to lead me to correct decisions. I also cried in Walmart and someone I knew walked around the corner to witness the entire event.  After I sent the last text, I knew I was making the correct call. I felt relief.

I have scoured the Marathon Maniac website, and nowhere does it say: “You only get one shot at running 3 marathons in 90 days. If you don’t accomplish this task the first time you try, you will die and never wear the famed Maniac singlet.” So, I will try again this fall.  I have learned a lot about running this winter. Mainly, to never plan a goal around winter races. The weather is beyond anyone’s control! Between October 4th and December 27th (85 days) there are 5 marathons within 3 hours of my house. They all take place on Saturday, so no church will have to be missed, and I was already planning on running 2 of them. The only way I can fail to achieve this goal, is to give up and never try again.

I know I come across as an aloof, dimwitted airhead most of the time, but secretly I am severely intense. I need to not be so harsh on myself, work on my flexibility issues, and stop taking out my frustrations on the people I love the most.  I know some of you will not understand the intense emotional response I had to the re-routing of the marathon, and you will think less of me or that I am a crazy person. That’s ok, I forgive you.

It took me 5 days to fully process the emotions and properly grieve the situation, but I feel better now.  Running is not always glamorous and happy, but it has taught me so much about myself and helped me improve as a person.  If you don’t understand what that means, then start running.  You’ll thank me later.

Oh, and thanks for listening. As a reward, you get a picture of my favorite cartoon character, Princess Uni Kitty.

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Comments

  1. Sounds like you have made the right decision for you and your family. Marathon Maniacs will be around later in the year, and next year, and the year after. You have plenty of options to choose from this Fall. You could even skip all those and go straight to 4-star status by running the Allen, TX New Years Double…

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