It Ends With Me

I have a lot of awesome traits that I hope to pass on to the boys, but I have one that I hope stops with me.

I am terribly afraid of storms.  This is not a healthy, normal fear.  I get frantic.  My heart races.  I can’t sit still.  I am one hot mess.  When there is even a chance of severe weather, I check the radar 5,000 times.  I have 4 radar apps and 2 weather radio apps that alert me when a watch is issued from the National Weather Service.  One of the apps also sends alerts for my parent’s house, Aaron’s parent’s house, school, and the hospital.  Yeah, I know that is a little excessive.  I learned this behavior from my Dad.  My Dad learned the behavior from his Mom.

When Evan was an infant, I was freaking out about an approaching storm and Aaron told me to chill.  My erratic behavior was upsetting Evan and making him scared.  I was crushed when I realized I was teaching Evan to flip when it thundered.  I had to do something.  I had to change my behavior or I was going to pass this fear on to the next generation.

I started taking note of my actions when storms are in the forecast and ways I could calm myself down.  This may seem silly to some of you, but if I know storms are coming the next day, I start praying for peace and calmness the day before.  I have to totally fill up my calm bank before I start making the massive withdrawals on storm day.  I find a magazine or book to read and leave it on the coffee table.  I also pick out a movie to watch from iTunes and make sure the laptop and iPad are fully charged.  When it starts to storm, I have to make sure I stay busy and cut down my obsessive radar checking.  The craziest thing I have been known to do, is plan a few hour trip.  When the radar starts firing up, I just load up the kids and head the opposite direction.  We will go out to eat, walk around Walmart, anything to fill the time until the storms pass.

I hope you don’t think less of me, but I have to figure out a way to stop the chain of fear.  Is there anything you are deathly afraid of or do you have a certain trait you don’t want to pass down to your children?